In his best-selling book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie devotes an entire chapter – and parts of others – to how being a good listener in conversation can win over almost any person. Becoming a better listener is something most everyone can improve upon, especially in business. In this fast-paced world we skim emails, breeze through data on our computers and only half listen when someone is talking to us. Despite all the changes continually taking place in the world, people are still the same. We all want to be heard.

When we listen to someone with genuine interest, that person feels it and is complimented, Carnegie writes. In chapter four of his book, Carnegie explains how he was at a dinner party and spoke with a botanist, giving him his rapt attention asking questions and showing interest in his field. Afterward, the botanist described Carnegie to the host as a “most interesting conversationalist.” Carnegie had barely said a word during the conversation. Instead, he was a good listener.

“Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems,” Carnegie writes.

How can we become better listeners? There are some quick tips in the next post.

The average person speaks about 150 words per minute. Research shows that humans can hear up approximately 750 words per minute. So what happens to the other 600 words each minute when somebody is speaking to us or when we are speaking? That’s what some experts have dubbed the “Elusive 600.” It’s what goes on in our mind when we are speaking and thinking about what we will say next or get distracted. It’s what we are focusing on when we miss something important that a person is saying at just the wrong time.

If we are the one speaking, we need to be mindful of the Elusive 600 and what our audience is filling it with. Are they checking out our clothes? Are they planning their grocery list? Are they thinking about something completely unrelated?

How do we capture their Elusive 600 consistently with our message? Some speech coaches recommend repeatedly pulling the listener’s attention back to you with gestures and strong vocal physique. A surefire way to capture the Elusive 600 is through telling a story. A story absorbs their entire attention. That’s where Sheffield’s Narrative Mapping technique and the development of strategic narratives come in. Stories draw people in, give them something to relate to and an organizing principle that makes it easier to listen. Facts and figures can support your story, but in the end, research has proven that listeners remember the stories and forget the facts.

There is much more to explore in the realm of the Elusive 600, and we will come back to this subject in the future.